Boss Rush (2009)

Have you ever played a bullet-hell-style shooter and thought to yourself “That boss looks like they’re having a lot more fun than I am…”?

I mean, think about it. You have a tiny little ship, capable of only firing straight ahead. Your weapons are puny until you power them up, and even then seem decidedly inferior to what you’re fighting against. Your armor is apparently made from paper-mâché, and usually can’t even survive one hit before you blow up and lose all your toys.

Meanwhile…

Over on the other side of the screen, the boss is chortling gleefully, launching wave after screen-obscuring wave of bullets in beguilingly beautiful patterns, the merest touch of which will destroy your ship. All while absorbing enough damage to sink an aircraft carrier, without even getting his paint scratched.

It hardly seems fair!

It’s not fair, in fact!

Haven’t you ever wished that that could be YOU over there? Calmly making horribly devious patterns of deadly bullets? That you could then admire and fully appreciate, because the actual task of figuring out how to avoid them was someone else’s problem?

If so, then this, ladies and gentlemen, may be the game for you!