guys, you're making Jesus sad

Jesus loves you, but is also verrry confused. Why do you have a 5Gb folder of BTS Jimin pics. What is a thot? Who are zoomers? Do outcels exist? Explore the world's first 100% Christian VR Game. Play through 4 hour bible study sessions and mandatory prayer breaks. Your Oculus Quest will automatically detect if a bible is present in the room and will turn off if it's not the King James version. Only sissies read the NLT version. Walk through heaven in virtual reality as God's disapproving gaze asks why you have a body pillow of 2D cartoon character. This game came to me in a sweaty fever dream 3 months ago after I ate half a bag of trailmix and I committed myself to giving birth to it no matter the cost. You will never know the joy I feel knowing that at least one person strapped this game to their face and watched Jesus grab a bottle of Gamer Girl Bath water. 

guaranteed results or your time back:

• greater connection with God
• strong wholesome conservative family values
• lower bone density
• higher thread count when you shop at bed and beyond
• increased marital sexual satisfaction
• 1 inch to your vertical

where do i beg for money? is it over already?  you can leave now. i love you and i need to sleep