! That Bastard Is Trying To Steal Our Gold !

Join the purge, what a rich idea! All these moulish games that are waiting for our feathers teasing, all these curious players with whom to laugh by pointing the finger of incompetent and/or dishonest developers... All this will be fun and laughs, right? That's basically what I said before I sent my application to join this group full of promises. That the great computer forgives me my infinite naivety! As soon as I was looking for a game that I could mock, I understood in which nightmare I had plunged. The pages of the store were marching in front of my Haggard eyes an impressive number of titles all more miserable than the others. I felt like I was in an orphanage in the depths of a mining city. Except that the children who showed up to me were not there following a tragic fate like war. No, these children were there because they were too ugly and stupid and their parents had not supported the idea of having to share their lives. I was looking for one to my liking with behind the head the unhealthy idea of laughing at him and treating him badly. The task proved more painful than I thought. I was finally throwing my sights on! That bastard is trying to steal our gold!, weary of crushing cigarettes in my ashtray watching far too many trailers too pathetic. And I don't know if I should rejoice, but I can assure you that this game has all the "qualities" to join the dirty showcase of the purge. If misery was a card game, that bastard might not have pulled all the ACEs but he would still have a well-stocked hand. From the menu displayed, one wonders whether the game was not developed to support the anti-depressant industry. Take for example the color of the typo, I checked in a colour chart, it is yellow "scarcity". The menu of options is sad as an empty fridge and music... Damn the music. Pretty boring to push an elevator to suicide, the B. O is composed of 5 pieces as many odes to the boredom that can be found on incompetech.com, a site whose name does still really think about incompetence. I still wonder why they felt obliged to credit them on the title screen. Surely they did not have the courage to encode a real screen of credits, which would be well in the image of this game that sweat the lazy. Let's get to the facts: the game itself is a kind of Lode runner for neurasthenic, 386.7 MB of pure grisaille assembled into boring puzzles to die where our character walks with the spirit of a soft biscuit, making a path through the rock using from dynamite sticks to risky physics in order to steal gold, loot which is going to know why represented in the form of apples. Let's go back a little on the physics, we can not say that it is disastrous, it is just, how to say... completely boring. The inertia in the movements, the way we are pushed out of the blocks when we jump too close to them, everything is painful as possible. And this way that the perso has to beat the legs in the air, pity... And you might as well say that the levels perfectly respect the platitude Charter that the devs have imposed. In addition to being as empty as ugly, the gameplay makes them horribly long and having to start them again in case of failures is a test to which I have not survived more than thirty minutes. The worst part is that we have to pay €2.99 to afford this purge. At this price, it is better to pay two tomato soups to the distributor of the station of the most lost of the patelins, it will be more thrilling. Cherry on the Pompom: on the page of the store dedicated to the game, a guy with a brain cancer asks us to buy the game to finance his care... Yes... This game, I tell you, is the suicide of fun. To good hearing...