The Dark Room (2018)

What is the Dark Room? The Dark Room is:

1. An interactive abuse simulator.
2. An addictive throwback to 1980s text adventure games.
3. A one-of-a-kind retro-styled comedy puzzler that pits your pitiful brain against brutal deathtraps in the pursuit of freedom.
4. An adventure with a deep hidden story you can only unlock through skill, patience and exploration.
5. The kind of thing you can send to your friends just to make them very, very angry.
6. The exact opposite of an open-world game.
7. Like Fortnite, but only in the sense that it’ll make you want to kill.

With over three-and-a-half hours of recorded content, plus profanity, comedy, body horror, puzzles and warped logic, this is the Dark Souls of text adventures, the BDSM of RPGs, it’d be a walking simulator, but only if you were walking through a minefield.

The Dark Room is the videogame adaptation of the interactive stage show of the same name from comedian John Robertson. So play this, then, when the show comes to your town, gather with the other survivors. Just remember - YA DIE! YA DIE! YA DIE! YA DIE!

“This is the future of gaming.” - Ron Gilbert, on Twitter. (Original version, 2012)

“Is there a map? I’m lost.” - Ron Gilbert, on Twitter, three hours later. (Original version, 2012)