Payroll achievements

You were an efficient employee.

Hope it was worth it...

You were a slow worker.

You became morbidly obese.

You ate cake with the CEO.

You peed without washing your hands.

You gained a few pounds.

You're a hog for eating all the cake.

You became addicted to bean juice (a.k.a. coffee)

You couldn't keep your fingers off of other peoples PC's.

You were often seen going to the bathroom.

You were well hydrated.