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Donkey Kong review
by ItsAHobby

Monkey donkey gorilla conga threw a barrila on-a me! What the f*@#?
Anyways, it's pretty fun. That or maybe the games I've been playing are so shitty a simple climb the ladder minigame is enough to impress me. Either way, it's good.
You play as not-mario trying to save not-peach from the one and only, Donkey Kong himself. You know, the one from the movies... What was it? Whatever, he's famous.

I have a confession to make, I actually got jumpscared when I was standing in a ladder and a barrel went down it. Sorry, keyboard, please forgive me.

Overall, rating out of 100:
Story: 5
There's a story in this! Albeit extremely cliche being a "save the princess from a crazy plumber with a hammer that can destroy barrels", they innovated that you actually play as the villain! For some reason the princess seems to be happy to be captured by the short plumber though, strange.

Gameplay: 10
You jump, climb, and die. Pretty good!

Graphics: 5
I gotta say ooh OOH OH UH AH AH AK EEK EEK OH OH. But considering the time it was released, it ain't bad.

Sound/Music: 0
That's the reason I was jumpscared.

This leaves the game with a barrel's worth of bananas. I mean, 20 out of 400, yeah. 
«Constantly dying and enjoy it»

Other reviews3

Gameplay 7/10. Graphics 8/10. Soundtrack 4/10. Storyline 5/10. OVERALL 6.0/10.0 (A 5.0)
«Reviewers bribed»
Today Donkey Kong isn't much, but its historical significance to the gaming world is undeniable. Also, it still retains a timeless charm. 
«Beaten more than once»