Reviews

Online Slots for Real Money in South Africa: A Guide to Winning Big

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I realise there’s something inherently ridiculous about starting a blog on working through your never-ending gaming backlog with a game you’ve literally just bought, but here we are with Sega Bass Fishing. It’s a game I not only bought recently but also finished on that very same day. This does not mean I completed it, mind you, for reasons I will get into soon. Let’s just say it’s definitely something I should have left to those hazy nostalgic days of my youth. It’s true what they say: never meet your heroes.

Back in 1997 or so, I first cast my lure into Sega Bass Fishing, picking it up alongside the fishing rod peripheral as a fresh-faced pre-teen. My dad has always been big into fishing, so I’d hoped it would be a way we could bond over a tangential shared interest. He and I both absolutely loved it, and my dad ended up grabbing a Dreamcast, a copy of the game, and a Dreamcast fishing rod himself!

However, I later found out he could never be bothered to set it up since he could just go fishing in real life. So, it all sat in a carrier bag behind the sofa for a year before ending up at Computer Exchange. But that’s by the by.

Recently, I’ve been yearning to play the game again and have been scouring eBay for a deal on a Dreamcast, the game, and a rod. I’ve even sifted through a mountain of research on how to get the best out of the setup on a modern TV. I am, however, very guilty of having more fun over-researching things than actually doing the thing itself.

I soon realised (potentially for the first time in my life) that spending a few hundred quid just to satisfy a bit of nostalgia was a tad ridiculous, especially given my previously mentioned disposition for collecting things and then never following through on doing them.

After this bit of soul-searching, I spotted Sega Bass Fishing on Steam for only £6.99 and was incredibly excited that the game was Steam Deck compatible. Even without the rod peripheral, it being playable on the deck must be a good compromise, right?

It turns out I was wrong. Massively wrong. It’s not a good compromise. The fishing rod peripheral absolutely made this game what it is because it’s legitimately one of the dullest experiences I have ever had.

There’s none of the tension and excitement (well, this may be the nostalgia speaking) that the game had with the rod. Instead, the whole experience of slowly reeling in your lure by pressing one of the shoulder buttons and sometimes waggling the left stick does not make for an enjoyable gaming experience.

To give the game its due, though, Sega Bass Fishing still looks pretty nice in its charming, blocky way. I’ve always thought Dreamcast games looked quite lovely anyway. The sound of the water trickling along is also quite relaxing, something that cannot be said about the god-awful music. The fella getting excited about how big (or disappointed in how small) your bass is when you catch one is the absolute highlight, but it certainly isn’t enough to carry an entire game.

If I’m to take anything out of this experience, it’s knowing that I no longer want to spend a good chunk of money on buying a Dreamcast and all the peripherals. My nostalgic hankering for Sega Bass Fishing has also sadly been utterly destroyed. I suppose at least it was only £6.99 to ruin some great childhood memories!

https://questtozero.com/game-review/sega-bass-fishing-review/

Five words put me off playing the original Portal for such a long time. Five words which became the catchphrase for the awfully twee and cringeworthy end of the internet. Five words which gave me second-hand embarrassment every time I read or heard them. These five words were, of course: The. Cake. Is. A. Lie.

It turns out that Portal was actually brilliant, and I am an idiot for ever avoiding it. The original Portal was released way back in 2007, and I did not give it a chance until well into 2017. Now, having had an overwhelmingly good time with the original, I couldn’t wait another 10 years again to play Portal 2, right?

Good god, no, of course, I only waited 6 years this time! A vast improvement if I do say so myself.

To be fair though, the game had sat staring at me for over a decade from originally buying it, installed but unplayed, forced into, I guess, a state of stasis… which, strangely enough, leads us neatly into how Portal 2 begins.

Portal 2 puts you back in the shoes of our mute heroine, Chell. Playing through the early test chambers with your trusty portal gun, alongside an absolutely top-form Stephen Merchant in the guise of Wheatley, brings back great memories of the original game. This, for me, is where Portal 2 really shines; I absolutely adored every single minute of these first few hours.

Then comes Chapter 6. I wouldn’t say the game opens up, but it strays from the small, tight test chambers into larger, more sprawling areas. This is where the humour fades, the visuals become a bit muddier almost, and while still enjoyable, it doesn’t quite maintain the charm of its opening chapters.

We’re introduced to Cave Johnson, a pre-recorded voice that oversees the ancient 1950s-ish test chambers. While sometimes humorous, his voiceovers are mostly brash and irritating. The areas are bland and brown, too muddy to sometimes find where to go next. I also found the addition of the speedy, jumpy, and “portally” liquids more of an irritation than an enjoyable addition.

The puzzles later on become quite tricky, but never mind-bendingly so, like some games I’m much too stupid for (looking at you, The Witness). Once we get back to the Wheatley and GLaDOS showdown and the tighter test chambers again, the game returns to the joys of its opening hours, even if there are a few open areas that serve only to slow down the pace more than anything.

All in all, I mostly feed bad that I have sat on Portal 2 for this long, especially since literally everyone I know has already played the co-op mode without me!

https://questtozero.com/game-review/portal-2-review/

I do love a good arty game where I’m not entirely sure if I know what is happening, or even if I’m having a very good time, but it sure does look pretty.

I have no idea what the story of GRIS is about; I’m sure it’s some melancholic metaphor for difficult feelings or an ode to the writer’s dead dog, or, you know, something actually less flippant. I did mean to look into the deeper meaning of the whole thing after playing it, but as I’m on a mission to demolish my backlog, I got sucked into my next game instead.

My review of GRIS will instead attempt to summarise the game based on my vague recollection of occurrences in incredibly glib layman’s terms. Be warned, very vague spoilers ahead I guess.

GRIS is about a beautiful woman who I assume is called Gris, who has incredibly spindly spider-esque limbs, and who, right from the off, forgets how to sing, which makes a large statue of a woman crumple to bits.

After this calamity, Gris has a bit of a mope and then sets off to collect dots, which are sometimes utilised as bridges and sometimes utilised for power-up unlocks, until you arrive at a certain area which turns said dots into what I can only assume is a constellation.

The first power-up allows Gris’s dress to become a big square block that can pound the ground, and at some point, this power is utilised to really aggravate some moths who then become a very big, very angry void-bird. Said void-bird seems ok at first but at some point decides to shout at Gris until some bells chase him off after he’s shouted too loudly at them.

Gris eventually finds her way to a big stone hand from the previously broken woman statue and creates the colour blue in the world (oh, if I forgot to mention, the world went black and white at some point). This unlocks new areas where Gris unlocks further power-ups, further colours, and has more fights with the void-bird (who also becomes void-eel (and void-eels!)) at certain points. Gris also relearns how to sing, which allows flowers to grow! It’s all legitimately very lovely, really. I’m not being sarcastic here either, it is beautiful.

After some very enjoyable underwater puzzles, Gris is finally eaten by the void, which is now a blob; however, she manages to swim back out and has a moment with the now rebuilt giant-woman statue before ascending into the sky on the bridge made from the aforementioned dot constellations.

Now this might all sound like I’m facetiously shitting on the game, but in fact, I really very much enjoyed it. This more shows that I am an incredibly stupid man who does not get the deeper meaning of art. GRIS is just a game that is far too high-brow for me. It does look lovely, though!

https://questtozero.com/game-review/gris-review/